Grandma Died

Dear Lisa,

My mom, who was a Christian, passed away unexpectedly just a few weeks ago, and I'm not sure how to handle the grief process for myself and my two kids, ages six and ten. They’ve never before experienced the death of a loved one or close friend—not even a pet. What should I be on the lookout for in terms of how they are handling the loss of their beloved grandma—and what is the best way to talk to them about death and grieving?

The best way to talk to them about death and grieving is simply to listen. Your children need to express their fears, feelings and questions. Encouraging this will provide opportunities for you to see into their minds and enable you to keep your finger on the pulse of their hearts. You may be surprised at how much these shared times will help all of you through the grieving process. Remember, they need to see you grieve to assure them that what they are feeling is normal.

Children may react to profound loss in a variety of ways: regression, sleep difficulties, loss of appetite, anger, withdrawal, sickness, or depression, to name a few. While prolonged responses may be cause for concern, any of these reactions are very normal and may even resurface in cycles for many years. It is important to allow your children to grieve naturally, without suppressing their emotions, even ones that would in normal circumstances require intervention. Granted, there is a fine line that must be carefully negotiated with the help of the Holy Spirit and a mother’s intuition. But God has promised to walk with us through the valley of the shadow of death; lean on Him for wisdom.

And, perhaps most importantly, depend on Him for comfort. Teach your children that the Holy Spirit’s name is “The Comforter.” Gather your little ones in your arms and cry out to the Lord for His arms to wrap around your family. Ask Him to use this opportunity to transform the abstract concept of Heaven into the reality that Jesus has gone to prepare a place for each one of us and that Grandma is there now enjoying the presence of her beloved Lord. And she will be there to hold her grandchildren again if they have also made Jesus their Lord.